F&%@ the Police

To quote the preeminent philosophers on society's ongoing relationship with law enforcement...also known as N.W.A....f&%@ the police. As anyone who has driven with me within the last year could attest to, I wear my seatbelt 99.9% of the time. I have gotten to the point where I am not comfortable unless I am wearing it while driving, so I wear it at all times. Yesterday morning, when driving to meet my sister for coffee at a Kaladi Brothers near her home (much Kaladi love), a CD fell off the seat in the back of my truck. When I reached a stoplight, I put my truck in park, unbuckled, and reached in the back to pick up the CD. Then I immediately put my seatbelt back on. Time off? 5 seconds...10 at the most. When I look across the street after doing that, I see on the other side there is a cop facing me going the opposite direction. Due to my youth being filled with many a moving violation (aka I really like getting places quickly), I am naturally paranoid of cops turning around and following me, even if I obviously have done nothing wrong. Needless to say, after the light turned green, I stared intently into my rear view mirror and watched in horror as the cop flipped his lights on and did a U turn.

Then I immediately felt better as he turned off on a side street. I exhaled and went back to singing along to my blaring tunes as I turned on my sister's street. As I continued down the road to the coffee shop, I look off to the right down a side street and much to my chagrin, there is my police officer. I continue down the road at exactly the speed limit as he turns, follows, and begins tailgating me. I think he was trying to incite me into speeding, when finally we neared the turn onto the frontage road that takes you to the coffee shop. It was do or die time...is he going to pull me over? He did, the bastard.

He comes up to my truck and I roll down the window...

• Officer Jerkface: The reason why I pulled you over today is because you were not wearing your seatbelt.
• Me: I'm currently wearing my seatbelt.
• Officer Jerkface: Well now you are.
• Me: I've literally been wearing it the entire time I've been in the car today.
• Officer Jerkface: Well when I passed you earlier you were not.
• Me: I was at a stoplight, I reached in the back to get a CD...
• Officer Jerkface: Mmhmm.

Then random BSing occurs as he goes back to look into my info. He comes back and says...

• Officer Jerkface: Alright, instead of giving you the higher degree of ticket that costs $70, I will let you off the hook and give you the $15 version.
• Me: But I've been wearing my seatbelt the whole time except when I was in park.
• Officer Jerkface: Well, I don't believe you. Why did you try to hide?
• Me: Excuse me?
• Officer Jerkface: You turned off on a side street and tried to get away.
• Me: I'm going to get coffee down the street with my sister, I wasn't trying to hide, this is the only way you can get there.
• Officer Jerkface: Mmhmm.
• Me: Would you like to come and meet her with me? It's right down the street.

Needless to say he declined. First off, why are there multiple levels of fines for not wearing seatbelts? Is the $70 version some sort of "not wearing a seatbelt with malicious intent" thing? Second off, is this really the intent of the newly intensified "Click it or Ticket" campaign? Punishing people who wear seatbelts nearly constantly except when parked at stoplights?

All in all, I just think the general state of things within the Anchorage Police Department is truly sad. When my car was broken into in March and my friends purse was stolen, they claimed that they couldn't do anything for me or my friend, even though we managed to track down a ton of information about the person who stole it. Is this because they are too busy reaching their quota of fines and pulling people over for "gross misconduct involving a seatbelt" or something similarly ridiculous? I guess it just goes to show you, what Ice Cube says in rap songs really is gospel. It may be a $15 ticket, but I am a man who believes in principles. Which is why I am contesting it and going to take that good for nothing police officer to court, either to get it overturned or, even better, to embarrass him. Wish me luck!