A Slice of Fried Gold

Sober Guy

Sunday, May 11, 2008

After the events of last weekend (cliffs: I drank a bunch, acted like an idiot, was hungover, profit?) I decided that maybe, just maybe, I should take it a bit easier this weekend. So this Friday, I took it real easy. As in I had absolutely nothing to drink.

This worked perfectly though, because we had a couple tasty events going on, as Kim was hosting a dinner party at her place that was going to be attended by Colver, Lorna, and Hannah, with dinner prepared by yours truly and Kim, and then afterwards we were going to go catch Baby Mama. Nice sounding evening right?

Kim and I had decided that we were going to go with a mexican heavy theme, so we were preparing fish and beef tacos and attempting at rocking out some serious chicken mole. Of course, Kim's kitchen is alternately maddeningly light in terms of useful spices and tools of cooking and very entertaining in the difficulty it provides. However, Kim and I rocked out to the National while we cooked and prepared a very nice spread.

If I do say so myself, the fish tacos were the best, as whoever cooked them brilliantly seasoned them, and added splashes of lime and cilantro to really bring out the taste. Oh wait! That was me. I rule!

Our attempt at chicken mole was a bit more dicey, as Kim and I crafted the sauce with its odd mexican chocolate cake additions and "is it or isn't it cooked yet?" chicken. It was pretty tasty, but a little bland. There is the slightest chance we may not have actually followed the recipe to perfection, and it did feel like there were steps missing.

Overall though, the dinner experience was very good, and it was nice to have Crew representation at what was otherwise a Unit event (more on this later), and Hannah seemed to enjoy herself.

Wait. Did I say "seemed to enjoy herself?" By that I think I meant Kim, Hannah, and Lorna collapsed into their own world after dinner, rapidly jumping from topic to topic ranging from gossip to sheer ridiculousness, with all this fueled by Kim's vast resources of duty free liquor and the bottle of wine Hannah brought over. Colver and I did all we could to survive, as we quickly hid in the living room and talked about our fantasy teams and sports in general.

Thank god. I didn't think we'd make it for a bit.

After an hour and a half of this, we decided to leave the girls to their own devices and head off and play some pool at a local pool hall before the movie. It was fun as per usual, with Colver and I ranging from wildly impressive to horribly embarassing at the game, and the waitress who works there continues to love me (or so I assume, she constantly sneaks glances over at me all the time both times we were there - of course given events from today it may just be because my face is covered with dirt).

Afterwards, we met up with the triumvriate, and they were all wired and ridiculous. Entertaining, but man they were totally jazzed and I was unsure as to how the rest of the theater would handle our hijinks. Thankfully, it was a comedy so wild laughter was not only expected by encouraged, so the threesome fit right in.

Overall, I was impressed with Baby Mama, which managed to defy its chick flick confines and be a damn entertaining film. Of course, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler can make that happen easily, plus a cast featuring Greg Kinnear, Sigourney Weaver, Steve Martin, and Conrad from Weeds definitely can do that.

Afterwards, it was already midnight and I was 150% sober. So what did we do? We went to Eagle River to go to the Homestead Lounge, the bar of bars and home turf for the Crew. Of course, along the way there was oodles of entertainment, including the fun of yelling along to music along the way (I drove myself - I was driving Hannah and Kim from Hannah's place) and the awesome motorcyclist who was blaring the music off his ride. What was he listening to? He was listening to Snow's "Informer." Yes, there was a time in my life I liked that song. Yes, that is now the single worst song ever made.

But god, that was hilarious! This is a man with no shame!

The Homestead was of course not disappointing at all, although I started to get this bad feeling from the visit there. Is this what drunk people are like? Good god! They are ridiculous! There was this one woman who spent the entire night grinding on guys who may or may not have been dead, dancing like a stripper on the dance floor, and then dancing with an enormous man who had one move: torso and arms? You simulate an airplane. Lower half? Pelvic thrust only. She was definitely the MVP of entertainment for the night.

It seemed as if the whole bar experience was a "scared straight" ad speaking out against drinking. I kept getting the feeling while there that I am at least 13 times as ridiculous as those people (Hannah, Nate, Kim - feel free to confirm) which was alternately terrifying and fun to theorize what it'd be like.

Hannah and Olena at the Homie

It was a bit dead though, as most everyone in the crew had retired and we were left with just Sally, Olena, and Nate. We spent most of our time people watching and playing foosball (the Homie's new table rocks!), although I did discover one thing: being the only sober person in a two on two foosball game makes you look like the greatest player EVER. It was like David Beckham versus a high school team, and it was fun as hell.

Shortly thereafter, we retired and I took Hannah and Kim home for bed. Of course the night did not end there.

Oh no sir, it did not.

I had told Amy that I would be DD for her and Cate, as it was Cate's bday. Did I say earlier that people at the Homie were ridiculous? Those people ain't got nothing on this group! The experience was essentially forty minutes straight of searching for people (within the Koots parking lot and extending to many miles away), a flurry of insults and affirmations coming from Amy (which was great, because it definitely kept me on my toes), and Cate's unique form of drunken baby talk coming from the back seat. All that, and that isn't even mentioning the roving fleet of amped up Geo Metros that were apparently racing for pinks on the way back to Cate's place.

Shortly after 3:45, I made it home. This whole night started as a sober night that was supposed to be light on the ridiculousness and heavy on the fun, and one that would provide me the opportunity for plenty of rest. Two of the four goals were accomplished, as I didn't have a single drink and did have a lot of fun, but good lord - no sleep and SO MUCH ridiculousness.

All in good fun, but this definitely gives me a fresh perspective on what it must be like for sober people in bars. To all those people, I have to ask this: why do you go to bars?! That's the question of the night for sure. Well...maybe not. Why that guy was listening to "Informer" may actually trump that.


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