A Slice of Fried Gold

I am my own worst enemy

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

As I was sitting around reading, I realized that nearly every body part I have hurt. For some reason my right arm is tweaked (besides the obvious reason - you know, that it's permanently dislocated). For the rest of my body, that's because of basketball. In a single two hour session of basketball, I hurt the following body parts - left pinky, left arm, right arm, face (times two - I inadvertently was slapped and I was hit in the face by the basketball, the latter of which made me woozy enough to fall over, which is always a goofy sight), left side of my right knee, right side of my right knee, and left foot.

Most of that is my fault. It's part of my allure - my unbelievable ability to hurt myself (physically, socially, emotionally...really all of the ways you can hurt yourself) in every situation and somehow always survive relatively unscathed and chipper at the end. My friend Colver is endlessly amused by this, that somehow I can continuously do all of these things (break myself physically, embarass myself in front of girls, do unquantifiable amounts of stupid things) yet carry them off in such nonchalant ways.

Or at least I assume that is why he is entertained. He may just be a freak masochist who is amused by my misfortunes.

Bastard.

No less, realistically, I'm best at hurting myself socially really when you get down to it. I have this horrible flaw that I can never say no outright really. I rarely say no. I agree at first, and then I hem and I haw (that's right, I just dropped hem and haw) and bail at the last moment. That's my style. I like to make it seem like I'm going to do something, and then, just when it's about to happen, snatch it out of your hands and laugh hysterically.

Okay, maybe not quite that dramatic. Really, I somehow always talk myself out of things. It's a skill, and perhaps it's one of my better (or at least most prolific) ones. God forbid I actually do something. Odds are if I am I'm probably going to do something incredibly ridiculous and embarrassing, but man, I will definitely have fun doing it.

I guess that's why when I sit and realize my entire body hurts and that I do all kinds of stupid and occasionally lame things, I smile. I know in the long run the things I do were either fun to begin with (basketball, partying), fun afterwards (stupid things I say or do), or fun always (relaxing instead of trying to deal with social situations). I suppose worst case scenario, even if I do tons of dumb things and continue to hurt myself, at least I'll still be entertaining to Colver. Even if he is just amused by my misfortunes.

Bastard.

3 comments:

Erik said...

Wouldn't that make him a Sadist? Even though he isn't directly causing you pain.

David Harper said...

I think masochist and sadist are two sides of the same coin. Every definition I saw says it has something to do with sexual gratification.

I hope it doesn't for Colver.

Ugh.

No less, I think we're both right and we're both wrong.

Erik said...

Masochist is usually used for someone who likes pain inflicted upon themselves. A sadist is someone who likes inflicting pain. So I interpreted it as you saying he is a closet sadist because even though he isn't directly inflicting pain, he enjoys watching you have pain inflicted upon you.

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